World AIDS Day & The Medication Mixup

So, I've taken the advice of someone very special, and have decided that I should move on to more about me, and my life, and what's really important, rather than discussing politics and turning off people that would be otherwise interested in what's going on with my life. I'm currently in the process of responding to my cousin, Jim, who wrote me a letter regarding my post about amendment 2, however, after careful consideration, I've decided that I will post that to the comment section of that post, rather than publishing it as front page blog. So, instead, I come bearing good news, bad news, and a tale of the medication mixup.
So, first things first, let me talk about the latest good news. I got official word yesterday that the meds are indeed working. And working DAMNED well. My viral load, which measures how many copies of HIV are in a single ml of my blood, has dropped significantly. The labs I had drawn on October 30th showed my load dropped from 104,000 copies to just 334. In fact, the drop was so low, the normal test couldn't measure it, so they had to go back and do the ultrasensitive test. Completey undetectable (less than 50 copies) is still the goal, but for 40 days on meds, that drop is absolutely astounding. These miracle meds are costing my insurance company an unfortunate $1,871/mo, as I get the statements telling me how much the medication cost. Considering our rent is $1,050, it's a bit staggering to consider that my daily survival costs (including food) account to more than my pre-tax income.
The somewhat bad news is that my CD4 count is only up slightly. I'd hoped that starting meds would result in them bouncing back to the 500 range in a short amount of time, but my white blood cell production is still about a thousand below where it should be, resulting in a continued immuno-supressed state. I can only hope that now that the medication is doing the fighting for me, these numbers will begin to improve. The results of my latest labs showed an increase from 355 on 9/15/2004 to 396 on 10/30/2004.
Also, it seems my medication is messing with my liver emsymes... Specifically, my billirubin is elevated. The labs showed a 2.3 mg/dl result, which is slightly higher than the 0.3-1.9 average, which is considered normal. At a 2.5 level or higher, a slight jaundice discoloration can occur, though I've already noticed it, specifically on the whites of my eyes, under my eyelids. It's hardly noticable, however, and the results really don't mean much. If you want more information on billirubin and what it indicates, I found this useful link.
For those who are not aware, yesterday was World AIDS Day. Asside from being the first day of the month, I'm sure very few people even noticed anything about the day. I absolutely commend Nickelodeon, however, for having a special aimed towards youth about 3 teens growing up HIV positive. Some 40,000 kids in the US are living with HIV, and it's encouraging to see them take on such hot topic and put it in the forefront for kids to see, rather than hiding it in the 10pm time slot, such as CNN with its R U Positive special, aired on 11/28/2004. While the special was well put together, and informative (Probably the most striking statistic I saw in the documentary was the infection rate in Florida among the elderly, where in 3 counties, as high as 1 in 6 persons over the age of 50 are infected), the time slot shows that we're still a long way from getting beyond the politics and fear of the disease.
The last thing I wanted to talk about is privacy, and the medication mixup that upset me the other day. I went to go pick up my prescription at Walgreens on the way home from shopping on Friday. When I got home, I opened the bag of my Norvir, and found a bottle of Norvir, with different instructions on it, a lot more pills than I was entitled to, and someone else's name on the bottle. I was upset, but only for a minute. I threw the bottle in the fridge, and figured I'd deal with it later. On Saturday, I drove back to Walgreens. I never thought I would be, but I was so upset, I ran my car into the curb, pulling into the lot, cause I was thinking more about what I was about to do, rather than focussing on something as simple as parking. I walked into the store, nervous and shaking, walked up to the photo counter, and asked to see the store manager. They sent the assistant manger. I took her into the isle, partially because I didn't want to cause a scene, and partially because I didn't want anyone else to see what I was being treated for. I explained my situation, and the assitant manager was more than courteous. She told me the manager would be out in a minute. The store manager came out, but was clearly not looking for me. She acted as if she had no idea what was going on, and I had to re-explain my situation to her. Clearly what they had done was a violation of law, in part because they'd incorrectly dispensed medication, in part because of HIPAA privacy laws and a Michigan law protecting individuals from disclosing HIV status by a $1000 fine. I got the impression that she was overworked, and it took her almost 10 minutes to realize how serious I considered the matter. After which, she was extremely appoligetic, got me my correct bottle (which was still in the fridge, thankfully), and sent me on my not-so-merry way with a $20 gift card to the pharmacy, which I intend not to go back to again. I'm still considering the correct course of action I should take from here on out. I have photographic evidence of the bottle that was misgiven to me. What they did was clearly against the law. I feel dissatisfied with the handling of the situation at the store. Furthermore, I now feel distrust with pharmacies in general, since, afterall, it could have very well been my bottle dispensed illegally to someone else, and my privacy leaked. Normally, I don't think I'd care, except for the nature of my medication and the fact that the same thing happened to me last month, except that I caught it while I was still in the store. It's only used for one thing. And in this day and age of WebMD, it's pretty easy to find out what a medication is being used to treat. For the first time, it really became shockingly clear just how important medical privacy laws are. I figure I'm probably more public about my status than most, and if I could be this effected, I can just imagine what this kind of disclosure would do to others. I just feel violated. I am considering legal action, even though to do so could mean me being seen in a more public eye. I feel they should be held accountable, more than a crappy, worthless $20 gift card. I also feel responsible to tell the person who's privacy was leaked, though others have recommended I stay away from that, and leave it to a lawyer. I feel a moral obligation that (s)he should find out about their irresponisibility, so that they might make their own decision about going back to that store. Should I talk to the authorities? Am I over reacting? What would you do?

Thanksgiving! What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for my real family, Mom, Rob, my brother, Jamie, bear, and Jamie's mom... the people that are closest to me me more than anything to me at this stage of my life. I'm thankful for the god awful meds that allow me more days to spend with that which matters most. I'm thankful for my job that allows me freedom to do things I want to do, and thankful for my car, which keeps me safe, and happy when the snow is falling. I'm thankful for my computer, that gives me something to tinker with, even if it's a pile of shit, and I want an upgrade. I'm thankful for my broadband, that makes me very happy, and saves countless hours of waiting for a modem. I'm thankful for linux, for keeping me free of viruses and time consuming, annoying spyware that takes hours to get rid of. And, I'm thankful for the internet, for giving me a place to communicate how thankful I am for my life, and everything in it.

Where'd the Sunshine Go?

Greetings everyone, from gloomy, rainy, never a day of sunshine Michigan! It's been weeks since I blogged (or saw the sun), and given the tragic turn of events this week with the election, I figured I'd better pipe up. On November 2nd, 2004, history was made when no short of 11 states elected to write descrimination into their constitutions. While it's no surprise that the general populace is against gay marriage, it is a surprise that people would feel so compelled about the issue that they would hurt people so profoundly instantly declaring them unequal in a fundemental sort of way. For all you religious folks out there who voted to pass the amendment, I say WHAT RIGHT DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME I DON'T HAVE ANY!? I'm angry. Really angry. What happened to the famous words in the declaration of independence?

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

What happened to being created equal? What happened to an unalienable right to seek my own happiness? How is the government fulfilling it's duty to secure these rights, when it allows hateful people who don't understand me to simply gather some signatures and decide that some other people are second class? What happened to long established governements not being changed for transient causes? You people have abused me, and usurped my rights. The people I'm supposed to rely on, and call brother, family, neighbors, allies, patriots, and comrads have betrayed me. How long will it take before someone who doesn't understand you steps on unalienable rights? We are on the edge of an ideological revolution, my friends. And I am not going to sit down and take this lightly. I will fight. I will become vocal. And no one better stand in my way until I am heard, and I am taken seriously. By passing unjust amendments, you have declared war. Though I may be part of a small minority, our passion will be a thorn in your side until you agknowledge that we have just as much a right to this system as anyone else.

The constitution of our United States says that we have a right "To enjoy privacy in all matters in which the rights of others are not violated." Marriage is an issue of privacy. It's an issue of heart and soul. It's an issue of protecting the rights of that whom you hold most dear. It does not violate the rights of others. Church has no obligation to perform marriage, be they heterosexual or homosexual, so forget that argument. Only the Government has the obligation to uphold the terms of a marriage contract. It is not the duty or obligation of the government to define its terms. It is not the right of people not involved to define its terms. In his destined for failure bid for president, Michael Badnarik of the Libertarian party wrote a beautiful piece on the issue of gay marriage. In it, he says, "Marriage partners, not government, should define the terms and spiritual orientation of their union in accordance with our nation's guarantee of religious freedom."

Should gay marriage be permitted? Is such marriage a basic human right or a privlege granted by government?

Establishment politicians are divided, much as their constituents are. No matter what laws they enact or fail to enact, the division will remain and the fighting will continue. Are we doomed to be a house divided?

Establishment politicians can't solve this real world problem because they aren't asking the tough question: "Should lovers jointly decide what their marriage will be or should government dictate the terms of their most intimate union?"

Today, of course, government decides if a couple is even permitted to marry through a licensing process. In other times and places, marriage licenses were denied to interracial or other politically incorrect couples, just as it can be denied to gay couples today.

When government permission is granted, the marriage constitutes a legal, binding contract, with terms that vary over time and with the location of residence. Since these terms are not written down, but are simply a matter of case law and creative legal tactics, a couple rarely finds out what they are until faced with a divorce. Men discover that their claim to custody can be prejudiced simply by their sex. Women find that that their worth as a homemaker varies from state to state. Prenuptial agreements are honored by some courts and heavily discounted by others. The couples find themselves bound, not by what they themselves have agreed upon, but by what government officials dictate.

Like every partnership, marriage should fit the individuals it unites, rather than be a "one-size-fits all" proposition defined by those outside the relationship. Each marriage should be what the partners want it to be?no more, no less. Ideally, the terms of marriage should be defined ahead of time with procedures to modify them as necessary.

Just as anyone can engage in a business relationship, any individuals should be able to enter into a marriage. Government's role in a business partnership is to simply enforce, not dictate, its terms. Government's role in marriage should be the same.

When marriage is taken out of the legal realm, it is seen for what it has always been: a matter of heart and soul. Just as the Catholic Church has historically disdained divorce among its congregation, so too will some religious groups refuse to bless gay unions. Both those who support and those who condemn gay marriage will be free to practice their beliefs and persuade others to their way of thinking. Each individual will be free to choose. Isn't that what America's all about?

We know how to live and let live. Our nation was founded?and prospered?on that principle. Religious tolerance, the real issue in gay marriage, allows us to live peacefully even though our beliefs may radically differ.

Freedom is the one thing we cannot have unless we give it to others. The blessings our nation enjoys today is built upon that expression of free will."

Michael, your the first politician to have the balls to say speak true. Thank you for seeing the forest for the trees.

I pray that everyone voted against proposal 2. For those who did not, know that your actions have forced me to declare war. The casualties may be your relationship to me. For those who voted against this hateful amendment, please join me in helping strike it down where it stands. From this day forward, I will not rest until I am seen as equal and entitled as much as anyone else. It's personal. It's a matter of heart and soul. And no one has a right to tell me otherwise.

The New Cold War

I have a concern. Perhaps what concerns me greater still is no one else in the media seems to share my concern. I think we're on the verge of a new cold war. But this time, things will be different. This cold war is a financial cold war. Specifically speaking, I'm afraid of cold war with North Korea. And not because it's been covered in CNN, Newsweek, the BBC, NBC, ABC, CBS, or any other media organization. This concern stems from an unlikely place: Slashdot.org. Slashdot, for those of you who are unaware, is a forum that people can post News for Nerds. Stuff that Matters. What has concerned me recently is North Korea's hacker college, and recent discovery of vulnerabililties in Australian network security. The original article, found here, sparked the idea in me that we do have a vulnerability and weakness in this nation that can't be addressed on a physical realm. So long as the internet exists (and thank God it does!), we forever have cut down a wall and placed a door for our enemies to walk in and take whatever they want. Fortunately, we have locks for doors, and some of them are stronger than others. But, locks can be picked.. especially over time... And the lock pickers are getting better and better about picking the locks. While our own government employs 50 times the number of lock pickers, it's entirely conceivable that the N. Korean government will eventually catch up with our ability. So, with a whole new ballgame of international espionage on the horizon, could American businesses with a much smaller security budget that our government become targets for North Korea to steal industry and trade secrets to beat us to the punch at creating products we develop? The simple answer is, yes... it could. Such a scenario could cause havoc, especially for small and medium sized businesses in this country. Competition with Asia is becoming more and more intense, and with the ability to lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate to get the job done cheaper, faster, and more efficiently, it could make a mortal economic enemy the likes which make even Japan shudder. With this influx of computer viruses, and daily security updates to Windows, and battles with spyware, malicious software is becoming a greater threat to our economic well being. Sadly, in the interests to protect itself from piracy, Microsoft doesn't make it's security patches available for bootleg versions of it's operating systems: a fact that has lead to over 50% of the worlds spam being spawned from unpatched Windows machines in China. With frivilous lawsuits going on every day in the US over software patent rights to the tune of multibillion dollar settlements, we've taken our eye off the ball in preventing what really matters to protect our economic future: internet security. And the longer we ignore the growing threat in the East, the greater the chance of a new cold war, an economical cold war, looms on the horizon. Oracle was right in stating The Internet Changes Everything. The rules have changed. And we need to be equipped to play the new game.

On a less serious note, I'm quite upset that I missed the 3rd and final debate last night. I had it set to record, digitally, however it never started. I did, however, catch the last two minutes of it, just in time to see the closing debates, and the muted screaming between Bush and Kerry when the debate was over... I wonder what they were all upset about. Anyhow, I had a pleasant evening last night, catching up on the last three Smallville episodes while snuggling in bed. My drive into work was a bit gloomy, but man have the fall colors come out. It's beautiful! :-)

My horoscope today seems particularly appropriate, given the above theory. Mysteries, conspiracy theories and intense conversations will keep you quite busy -- and quite deeply involved with a certain person you've been wondering about. Try to stay objective.

Anyhow, I don't feel much like writing a book today, so I think I'll end it here. For now, peace to everyone. 19 days and counting. VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE!! :-)

Peace.

The Tale of Three Happy Birthdays and Two Tragic Deaths...

Let me first start today's blog out on a rather positive note. A HUGE happy goes out to my mother, my aunt, and my best friend. My aunt and mother celebrated birthdays of, inappropriate to say cause their female, 29 years on October 8th. Yes, that means my mother is only 6 years older than me. And, yes, I'm lying. The other goes out to my best friend, who after settling into his spectacularly beautiful new house, had a birthday on October 10th. I wish them the best in their new endeavor.

I don't believe I have yet written about my new meds. Shame on me for failing to let anyone know, even though it's been several weeks. It seems that the HIV strain I was infected with came with a genetic mutation that causes me to be resistant to Sustiva, one of the meds I happened to be prescribed. The mutation, coldly called k101e, means that I should avoid the NNRTI(1) class of HAART(2) meds. So, I promptly stopped Sustiva, to be replaced with two new Protease Inhibitors(3) called Reyataz and Norvir. The good news is, I actually have no side effects with the new meds, and I can take them all at once. The bad news is, Norvir needs to be refridgerated, and as such, I take my meds in the morning now. So, I'm actually happier overall with the new regimin, even if it means a minor headache of keeping them in the fridge.

It's hardly a secret at this point that Christopher Reeves died yesterday. In fact, unless you've been sleeping in a coma, or under a rock the last two days, you would have seen it on every station on TV and every newspaper in the nation. The strange thing is, they seem to think he only had two photos ever taken: one of him in superman, the other of him in a wheel chair last week. Nevertheless, his career really did include more than being Superman and invalid. One of the more moving romances ever filmed, Somewhere in Time, are among his credits, as well as after his spinal cord injury, directing a powerful film about a man coming home to die of AIDS called, In the Gloaming. I remember when the film came out, after recommendation by my good friend Molly, watching it with my mother. We cried our eyes out and held eachother tightly. Given how different times are now versus 1998, I certainly hope that such AIDS traggedies will only be a memory, rather than reality for each of us infected to face. The other tragic death is one to be remembered, rather than one that happend recently.

Today marks the 6th year since Matthew Shepard's death after the brutal beating which brought to life the push for a federal hate crimes bill. Shame on us, that 6 years later, none exists. While much has changed, at least as much is for the good as the bad. Violence against gays is up. But perceived tolerance is up too. Massachusettes has gay marraige, but many states have sought constitutional amendments in response to it, to prevent it. I still don't understand why people hate us so. The bible itself barely talks about homosexuality. In fact, while one passage calls it an abomination to "lie with mankind as if womankind," evidence exists of love between men. 1st Samuel 18 states: "AND it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day, and would let him go no more home to his father’s house. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle. And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, and behaved himself wisely: and Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul’s servants." There are other examples, but I don't want to delve into a religious discussion here, I guess. The point being, the bible teaches people about how to love and respect one another. Jesus is famous for saying "Let he among you without sin cast the first stone." Heck, there are countless passages in the bible that reflect the same moral code. Why, then, do we live in a "Christian" society that doesn't follow Christian values? And when has punishment been a permissible means of murdering someone else? (Part of the reason I'm against Capital Punishment...) How do we draw lines in the sand and decide the fates of others, when it is written that He shall judge us? And, furthermore... Those are Christian idealogies. What happened to religious freedom in this nation? The hypocrasy is astounding! Whatever our differences, people need not feel threatened by other people. Fear only breeds hate. Hate only breeds violence. And violence, no matter what religion, is wrong.

In the news today, it seems that the RIAA had it's first defeat over some anti-piracy scare tactics it had been employing. And, since we've talked so much about religion today, it seems the Supreme Court has taken up a hearing on the placement of the ten commandments on goverment property. Meanwhile, in the far east, the nation with the world's highest suicide rate, Japan, mourns the loss of 9 lives in a 'suicide pact.' Meanwhile, India copes with an HIV outbreak in Manipur. While US media reports a sucessful first Afgan election (a proposition that would prop up Bush), Al Jazeera reports that UN officials are investigating allegations of fraud related to the election. On to the election, the media spin will certainly make anyone dizzy. Notorius Fox News reports that Bush leads Kerry in the electoral collage, yet CNN Gallup polls show Kerry in the lead (barely). Meanwhile, everyone and their mother is waiting to find out what October Suprise will be revealed. Democrats, including Theresa Heinz-Kerry suggest that Osama might suddenly appear captured. It could very well be, since reports suggest that US is torturing 11 Al Queda members, according to the BBC and Globe and Mail. So much for the "liberal" media, as television networks plan to smear Kerry on the eve before the election. Probably in response to the little talked about film, Going Upriver, a documentary on John Kerry's term of service in the military. Meanwhile, the EU has lifted weapons sanctions on Libya, which is bound to spawn questions at the next presidential debate. Meanwhile, Maryland former governor is calling for the revalation of all HIV positive persons identities, a move that frankly scares the shit out of me. If this came to pass, and did so in other states, this could VASTLY increase discrimination and hate. My job could be at stake.

Anyhow, that's all for today.. I'm late! What else is new. Take care everyone, and look for a new blog Thursday. :-)

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(1)NNRTI - Non-nucleocide Reverse Transcriptase Inhibitor - Class of Anti-HIV drugs. NNRTIs block HIV's infection of new cells. Reverse transcriptase is a part of HIV required to make new virus and infect more cells. NNRTIs stop the reverse transcriptase from working properly. In early clinical trials of these kinds of drugs, it was found that HIV developed resistance in as few as two to seven weeks when the drugs were used alone. The drugs are now being tested in combination with other drugs in an effort to prevent resistance and limit side effects seen with the nucleoside analogs.
(2)HAART - Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Therapy - Commonly referred to as a drug "cocktail," HAART medications are a class of potent anti-HIV medications that work in combination with other HAART meds to provide long-standing treatment against the disease.
(3)Protease Inhibitors - The biggest news and the greatest benefits to people with HIV came when protease inhibitors (PIs) were discovered and made into anti-HIV treatments. When people started taking them in combination with other drugs, the number of people who became ill from opportunistic infections, or died from AIDS, dropped by about 70%.

Open Letter to Senator Stabenow

I wrote this letter to Debbie Stabenow concerning last night's debate. What a disappointment to hear both candidates spend much of the time discrediting the other, rather than dealing with the most important issues that were asked of them. While Edwards seemed nervous and inarticulate, Cheney seemed calm and composed. And while most are contending the debate was a draw, I contend that people follow those that can keep their head about them. How disappointing that the party I want to do well did so poorly at last nights event. I know the job that has been done over the last four years, and I am waiting desperately for a change to this nation. I only see the last for years as regressive. We've watched the single largest drop in the stock market, surpassing even the great depression. Jobs recreated since 9/11 have been on average paying less than half equivilant jobs available before 9/11. My own boyfriend can attest to that. And while I am mostly immune from such a financial crisis, since before 9/11, I was still at the birth of my career, making far less than I should have, I, too, have witnessed my 401k suffering, and stock shares fall to less than 1/4th their initial buy in price. Medical costs are out of control. The deficit widens, making way for future generations to bear the financial burden. With the current deficit being as great as it has come, we've almost certainly doomed social security. And I certainly don't want to be 76 before I can retire. In the next four years, Bush has promised not to reinstate the draft, and yet truth be shown that our military is overextended. A draft this time would mean men AND women up to the age of 34 would need to do a time of service. The only remote benefit I could see as to a draft would be the collapse of the oppressive "Don't ask, don't tell" policy, since I'm certain a number of heterosexuals would suddenly discover they have a desire for the same sex. I long for change. I need change. Four more years, and I believe we'll be facing a financial crisis like no other in about 10-15 years down the line when the government is no longer able to pay its debt. It's already happening with state budgets. How long before it happens to our federal government? Anyhow, the letter as promised.

Dear Sen. Stabenow,

I know your not responsible for what was said last night at the presidential debate, but as a Senator in a swing state in the same party as Vice President (hopeful) John Edwards, I thought you might have some direct influence over the Senator to pass on my feelings and concerns over what was said at last nights debate, specifically concerning the question about the AIDS crisis at home. Neither Cheney or Edwards took the time to answer the question as was presented to them. Both went on tangents about the World AIDS situation, while ignoring the issue at home. Edwards talked (briefly) about concern for national health care, which is certainly welcome, but totally missed the boat. What we need to be concerned with as far as AIDS in this country is spending in all the wrong places, and underfunding of organizations accross the nation, including our own ADAP system in Michigan. AIDS victims are treated as second class citizens in this country, and are marginalized in a big way. While breast cancer patients are treated with cosmetic surgery to correct the defect created by mastectomy, AIDS patients are left high and dry when it comes to surgery to fix humpbacks, fat bellies, and facial wasting as a result of the necessary medications for survival. Meanwhile, many are told they are ineligable for ADAP because they simply make too much money, forcing many people to take jobs with lesser income to be eligble for state aid. Foreigners with wishing merely to visit the US cannot. And while HIV testing is not required for simple entry, the policy forces foreigners to live in fear, leaving valuable life-saving medications at home, potentially causing the virus to mutate, creating drug-resistant forms of the virus. Meanwhile, we increase spending on useless, proven ineffective systems addressing abstinence by 49% increases to $70,000,000. $70 million that could be better spent on funding prevention programs like manditory counselling to couples planning ot wed on how to stay safe and encouragement for yearly testing even while wed, the area directly effecting black middle-aged women in this country. As was so boldly stated on the cover of a recent Poz magazine, "Kissing doesn't Kill People, but lies do." I think it's also important to start sex education earlier in schools. Whether or not we want to believe it, our kids are smarter, and doing more adult things at earlier and earlier ages in this country. They can handle the truth. An area being completely ignored at present is children born with the virus becoming of age to have sex in this country. And while they understand the need for using protection, many of them don't, for lack of condom availability or just plain child like invincibility syndrome. Which is why it's equally important that kids their own age understand that anyone, including someone their own age might have the virus, and we need to be empowering our kids to protect themselves. We need a president that understands that the situation at home isn't getting better; it's getting worse. Infections are on the rise again, and of the 1st world nations, the U.S. has some of the highest levels of infection worldwide at roughly 1% of the nation. We'd like to pretend this pandemic isn't happening at home, and isn't a problem anymore. But the truth remains, the longer we ignore the situation, and the fewer dollars that are spent toward *real* prevention programs and funding toward a vaccine, the greater the chance that we ourselves risk an Africa-like state of the nation. AIDS is no longer a gay disease. More than 50% of those infected in this nation identify as heterosexual. AIDS isn't just a black/latino disease. 30% are caucasion. And there's good evidence to show that these numbers from 2002 are even skewed to be too small, since accross the board, states are reporting a significant increase in the rate of new infection. As any insurance company or anyone close to health care understands, prevention is a far more cost effective means than treatment. As a Senate congressional member who has spent much of your career advocating for patients and national health care, I know that you will understand the issues at hand. But democrats need to have a united voice on this and other issues, and I felt at last nights speech, Edwards didn't have a clear understanding of the real AIDS crisis at our very doorstep. AIDS is real terrorism, too. And it's right here in our very midst, while we stand by and largely ignore it. Like a theif in the night, it's robbing thousands of their innocence each year, and millions worldwide. We need to be strong in the fight against AIDS. And that means we can't keep thinking of it as an African issue. Or as a black/latino/gay issue. It's a world issue. And it's a U.S. issue. Whether we choose to deal with it now, or choose to deal with it when it's too late, AIDS is not going away. And more, much much more, needs to be done to stem the pandemic not just in the world, but here at home, too.

Thanks for your time,
Concerned Michigan Voter

What's a blog to do?

So, it's been since Sunday morning (well, Saturday nightish...) that I've written. Its been a busier week at work, save for yesterday, and while I should have written, for some reason, I just didn't feel much like it. I guess I'll start with what I wanted to mention the next time I blogged. The other night, Jamie and I were flipping stations on TV and came across an interesting show called Degrassi on the N. The show apparently originated on CBC, and basically is about the life of a bunch of teenagers in High School. The commercials looked powerful. It reminded me a lot of my high school days. Well, the first episode we watch, and the head cheerleader gets raped. Not by a random stranger, but by someone she wanted.. just not to have sex with.. yet, at least. A rival team came to a game, and she developed quite the crush on the star player. Deciding to ditch her boyfriend and run off to a party at the rival players house, she text messaged a horrible excuse that her grandmother was in the hospital, so she wouldn't be able to get together that night. Somehow, her boyfriend made it to the party, and in an effort not to be seen, she snuck off upstairs with Dean, the boy she had a crush on. Moments later, they were kissing, which she was fine with... but then she said "your going a bit too fast" and then when he pulled out a condom, she freaked and said "no!" more than once. Date rape. It's a horrible thing. And while I'm sure it's devistating for anyone, it must be that harder on virgins. All this culminated in my mind and brought me reeling back to my high school experience. At only 16, the first guy I slept with... I didn't want to either. And as excited as I was to have met someone who was gay, I wasn't attracted to him. And, I didn't want to have sex. I'm pretty sure he used a condom, but that wasn't the point. I remember crying. And I remember all the angst and hurt. What's worse.. I didn't even hate him.. I hated myself for somehow having allowed it to happen. I didn't even tell anyone it had happened for nearly a year, when I finally came out to my mom. I'm sure many of you reading this will for the first time be hearing this. Statistically, those raped are three times as likely to develop HIV not as a result of their rape, but sometimes after. I feel like a broken record fitting in with some silly statistic. I do know that after it happened, I hated myself so much, I actually wished I'd be infected, so I would die and never have to tell anyone that I was gay. I felt like an abomination. I just wanted to die, and I could never understand how God would create someone like me, if we really were that horrible. It took a long time for me to forgive myself. And, finding out that I was negative was a huge relief. I guess that's why I took getting infected so hard. Once you appreciate how worthy life is, it's harder to accept that yours might be cut short. Especially by something you could have pretty easily prevented with just some simple common sense. Why, then, did I not choose to use protection that night? I knew HIV was real... but part of me did feel somewhat invincible to it, since I'd managed not to get it after such a horrible experience. And, he said he was negative. And, maybe I just needed to believe in people again. Life certainly has a way of teaching people lessons. Ever since, I've had a hard time really trusting. I find it difficult to be honest, but I feel like I have to be. So that maybe there can at least be one honest person on this planet... So.. Degrassi. Thank you. Thank you for showing a realistic portrayal of how simple it is to be raped, how unlikely people can be to believe you, how difficult it is to prosecute, and how tragic the emotional process is afterward. Finally, it felt like someone else was showing my story, and I'm sure the story of millions of others, in a realistic manner.

On a ligher front, things seem to be looking up for me. The weather is going to be nice for a change. Sunny and 73. With all the smells of autumn. What could be more perfect? My folliculitis is finally starting to clear up. Thank you Chlyndamycin! I'm feeling a bit more like me again, instead of broken me. Even with a cast to support a broken leg, the body must do the healing. The same can be said of a broken heart, and broken spirit. And for the first time in nearly two months, I feel like I'm starting to walk again.